I'm kidding of course, and today has been great. I'm writing this in my cabin, a can of 333 (ba-ba-ba over here) and a view across the bay ahead of me, so I cannot complain. But I guess it hasn't been plain sailing. There are, without exaggeration, about 7 gazillion different trips going to Halong Bay. We booked through the hotel because we wanted to drink all day, and so we headed out of Hanoi and into the backwoods. Along the way there were ever increasing signs for thit cho (dog) and even thit meo (cat). Some even had helpful pictures, like a smiling Labrador. Woof!
Our host Chun was enthusiastic, which was more than could be said for the others on our mini-bus. There was an Englishman with a suspiciously young Thai boy, a couple of groups of Germans, and then to top it off an old French couple got on. Checklist of weird tourists complete, we headed to the bay and eventually boarded a small boat to take us to our vessel (look at me all naughty nautical).
There is nothing I hate more on holiday than being told what to do, so Chun's constant appeals for us to come into the dining room for food got a bit tiresome, but he tried hard. The food was surprisingly tasty as well, especially the squid. The Germans, of course, annexed most of it early on, the French couple meekly surrendering before stealing every last scrap of salad.
We finally got active though and started heading into the bay and towards a floating village called whatever "three lagoons" is in Vietmanese. It was bizarre to find people living in the middle of the water, gambling away on the deck and trying to scam tourists out of a few dong. I took a kayak with one of the Germans, a guy named Marcus who said he had never done it but was a total pro. He turned out to be a nice bloke though, and laughed when I said "Schnell! Schnell!" which was something. Although brief, it was a great way to explore the area. Then again nothing can destroy tranquility like an Aussie with a moustache asking you whether the lagoon is "worth the three bucks."
Before I sound too negative, this bay is beautiful and we are clearly here at the wrong time of year. Yeah, there are a lot of tourists and yeah, it's a little bit annoying when locals on bamboo boats knock on your window trying to sell you sweets, but it is worth it. What I have seen is beautiful and if there is a way of coming back here for a longer period and completely on your own, I think it would be worth it. I'm glad we saw it, and I think after the sheer madness of Hanoi it was needed.
The evening got a little weird after the kayaking. We were supposed to go to a beach for a hike but the boat broke (briefly). We went to the sunset party (because we had to) and ate spring rolls, but there was no sunset and Chun told a story about his family dying. We ate and again the food was great but soon karaoke got mentioned. Imagine the combination of reserved French and Germans and enthusiastic but cumbersome staff and you can imagine the scene. We bartered with a bartender for a happy hour if I sang "SOS" by Abba, which I duly did (after murdering "Hey Jude" by singing "Hey Chun"). The big bottle of vodka we snuck in from Hanoi helped.
But then it got really weird. The plan was that we would get the ball rolling and then others would get up, people would want to drink...a good night ahead. But it didn't. Then Chun came back and sang "How Deep Is Your Love?" and he was actually good. All seemed positive until we asked for a Vietnamese song. What followed was a succession of ever more powerful, nationalistic songs. Nobody knew what to do. It was five to nine. Basil Fawlty had just turned into Pravda: The Musical. The Germans looked uneasy. So we left to drink vodka. I must say it was all really funny and totally odd, but the most rewarding moments on a trip like this are the quiet ones. And having just woken up at 6 a.m and realised I have been sleeping in a bay, I'm glad I came.
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